When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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