Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
