whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
