A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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