He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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