you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
