Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am mentally ready for anal.
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