so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
