We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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