If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
