i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Floor bacon is actually really good
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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