My hand turned me down
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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