She's JV to your varsity
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
