bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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