Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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