Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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