I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
