I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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