Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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