This is the prime rib incident all over again
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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