I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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