Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
