she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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