I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
