Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
