Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
