I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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