he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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