My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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