Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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