so let's talk penis.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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