I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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