Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
