birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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