I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
