I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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