Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i came on her dog
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
