just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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