it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
