You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
