i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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