8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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