my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
