He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
