thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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