Quick, to the slutcave!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
