she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
