There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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