If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
