Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
