Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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