I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
