She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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