My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
im on a boat
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