Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
