he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
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In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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