i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
