I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
