I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
