You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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