put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
