You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
