its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
