Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
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Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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