so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
