are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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