Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
