The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
