doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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