Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
