Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
