Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
