So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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