I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My ass is underappreciated
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
